How Big Is Your Cross?

Have you ever heard that story about a man who told Jesus his cross was too heavy for him to bear?
Jesus takes him to a room full of crosses and tells him he can exchange his for one of the ones in this room. When the man enters the room,he sees a room full of crosses....ALL bigger than his own.
He asks to have his old cross back, for it no longer seems as heavy as it once did
We have bad days. 
We have tragedies.
We have a scary diagnosis. 
But someone, somewhere is having a worse day, a worse tragedy, a worse diagnosis.
Nothing that happens to us surprises God.
He knows all.
Sometimes the bad situations in our lives are caused by or a result of  the choices that we have made...
that old free will!
Sometimes it is evil coming against us.
Whatever the reason, you can be assured that God is already at work, making something good come of the situation. Creating a day ahead where you will rejoice and breathe deeper again.
So the question is, would you have made other choices if you had known what the future was going to hold for you?

 "Just that maybe....maybe  you don't want to change the story because you don't know what a different ending holds." (Ann Voscamp)

I can tell you if, I had known years ago, I would be diagnosed with cancer, and given the opportunity, I would have changed my future to hold a different ending.
And I would have made the biggest mistake of my life.

There is a reason I am not writing the story and God is.
He knows how it all works out, where it all leads, what it all means.
I don't.
The 'why' in me simply does not understand some things...
but He does.
To us, it may seem like He is working too slow or not at all.
But He keeps trying to tell us, to show us....
 to take one step at time.
 He gave the Israelites manna each morning...just enough for that day (except the day before the Sabbath).
He says He is a light unto our path...not a light for the whole road, or the whole future....just the path in front of us...
He says He gives us our DAILY bread....enough for today
He says His grace is sufficient for us. sufficient-enough.
Enough. all that we need.
I can tell you this waiting...this slow pace... is very hard for a type A personality, like myself.
One thing I need loads of grace for is WAITING. I don't wait well. But it is in this waiting place where He sometimes needs us to be.
Taking this slower pace. That is where we see Him. That is where He has much to show us.
He says, "In the time of my favor, I will answer you.." He doesn't say, I might answer, He says He will. We just need to wait...He knows the best time for the answer.
Jim Cymbalta said, "Herein lies the battle of faith, to hold on and keep believing God."
As we wait and trust Him, He fills us with all joy and peace. 
So many of us make it through such awful, "don't- know- how-I-lived-through-that", tragedies 
one second at a time,
 one breath, then another,
by abundant grace,
count blessings,
Give thanks and receive peace and joy.
The "make no sense events" in our lives, the wounds, the tragedies...
are our places to see God, places to cause us to get closer to God...
and believe it or not...
that makes it all worth it.
I remember I had prayed, a few years ago, telling God, "I am seeking you with all my heart and you said I would find you.."
I did.
I would not have wanted to go on living my life without having gone through this.
 Please read that again. I NEEDED it.
If I had been able to change my course I would have missed truly knowing Him. I would have missed seeing Him, I would have missed being released from the heavy crosses I bore.
Now, in spite of all the work of the protocol, learning to cook and eat differently, the days when it all seems too much....
I can't wait to see how it all ends!!!


  1. I, too, have to learn how to be patient; God truly does provide just enough for me to learn little by little. Thanks, Kay, for this awesome insight.


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