Do you really know how much?

First of all, anyone who is new to my blog and would like information about the supplements I am using and /or the Gerson Therapy, please refer back to the first and second blog post. Also, if you have any questions, you can leave a post at the bottom of the blog with your e-mail and I will get back with you
This regiment of mine is not easy. I, and many others have been excited about the results, but my days are not all pie in the sky.
If you choose to try the Gerson, it is a FULL time job.... Like having a new born, full time job.
You have to have help. Have to!! You have to have time to relax, and rejuvenate, heal and not be stressed by the whole process.
Drinking a juice every hour and doing 4 coffee enemas a day, keeps you close to home. But that's ok.
I'd rather be home than other places I could be.
Try to find the good in it all.
This week I am having a terrible time trying to keep my diabetes under control. If I can get a handle on it, the Gerson will eventually regulate it. But right now, I am having to adjust a lot of things to try to get this where it should be. Exercising is wondeful to bring those glucose numbers down. Unfortunately, the chemo left my bones in a damaged state. So it is very painful to exercise. Some days that gets me down and some days....that makes me mad and I press through only to be VERY sore later on.
The other challenge has been trying to make delicious vegan meals to eat. Especially when I am the only one in the house eating them.
It's going to be ok. :) Don't give up.
God is gracious and compassionate. I will trust Him and He will carry me and heal me. A year from now this will be a memory to write about.
The thing about blogging, especially when you want readers to see God is having to bear parts of your soul and secrets that you never really wanted to "share".
Last year, God "shook" some strongholds loose and freed my life from them. These were keeping me from having the abundant life God had for me.
I didn't even know many of them were there. But that is how the deciever wanted it.
For many years, I felt like I was holding my breath and because I literally don't know how to swim, I was loosing ground fast. Almost to the point that I couldn't hold on any longer.
Then God brought me up for air. His air.
I was full of ungratefulness. I was dissatisfied with most things. Let's just say it...Bitchy.
I always wanted to be somewhere else, always wanted something else in life, when I already had so much to be thankful for.
I carried bitterness. ( I read once where bitterness is the enemy of hope because you keep living in the past and become incapable of of seeing a better future) But for me it was more like I lived too much in the future I thought I wanted and I became incapable of seeing the here and now. As a result of this, I missed out on so many wonderful encounters with precious friends. (Thank you for holding on and still being there)
But when life seems to be unraveling, God is busy weaving a whole new tapestry!
I am so thankful He never gives up on us. He loves us so much he will do anything and everything to let us know and bring us unto himself. It is such a sweet thing. :)
It took time for me to see and KNOW this.
My understanding of God and who He is, was wrong. Thanks to growing up in a legalist church that left me with baggage I carried around until 2012.
Most all my life I imagined God 'keeping score' with everything I did or didn't do. Even down to whether I had my quiet time today or not.  Rarely ever pleased with me. I had this notion of God that shaped my understanding of God.
But he is not who I thought he was.

I grew up a little girl who had to get straight A's, always wanting to please. But never feeling like anything I ever did was good enough. I was always finding fault in myself or what I created or accomplished.
Then I read something Ann Voscamp wrote about the reason I can never believe that I am pleasing to God or that anything I ever do is good enough is BECAUSE I don't believe I am good.
Those of us who have accepted him into our lives, He sees  through the lense of Jesus. And Jesus makes us look good!
God really likes us.
He really loves us.
He really adores us.
You know that verse where God says, "Well done good and faithful servant"? I use to think very few people would have that said to them.
 People like Billy Graham, maybe.
Surely not me.
But I believe for all of us who love him and seek him with all our heart and soul, inspite of our sin, he will say, "Well done good and faithful servant", because we were faithful and he sees us through Jesus.
I am not sure this is all coming out the way I want it to. God loves us so much. He taught me how real and sincere this love is. That HE IS love.
 I don't have to do anything right or pleasing so he will love me.
 I don't have to check any boxes.
Jump through any hoops.
He doesn't have his thumb on me, he is not tapping his foot at me. (it is no wonder we get exhausted and unhappy)
We live out of touch with this love most days. Going about our business, letting 'religion' guide us in our "christianity".
But THAT love for me has always existed.
It picks up the tab for me.
It turns my disasters into good for me.
He is so "real". Personal.
ALWAYS closer than your breath.
Most of all He sent His son to die for me.
What the Father, Son and Spirit wants is a relationship with me. They want me to be a part of them.
And they are a part of me.
 His story is my story and my story is his story.
I take a long deep breath, let out the air, lie back and float in the arms of Jesus.


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